


Regret Message

by Sylthfarn



Series: Despairing Vacation [1]
Category: AI: The Somnium Files (Video Game)
Genre: DV verse, Gen, M/M, it's a danganronpa esque killing game, this all takes place in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28107771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylthfarn/pseuds/Sylthfarn
Summary: When the killing game began, Date knew there was a strong possibility that he wouldn't survive to see the end of it. But that didn't mean he had to leave the people he loved without a proper farewell. He recorded messages that he hoped would never have to be delivered. Messages of regret. Of despair. Of one final way to tell them he loved them. And most of them...were for Mizuki.
Relationships: Date Kaname/Pewter | Amanoma Futa, Date Kaname/Pewter | Amanoma Futa/Grimnir (Granblue Fantasy), Grater (relationship)
Series: Despairing Vacation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2059197
Kudos: 2





	1. Regret Message Log 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is the collection of drabbles i wrote from date's pov during the events of dv 1.5 (a killing game mfrp)!! this does mean it involves mentions of the ot3 grater and the subsets of that ship, grate and gamer fuel. if you're not from dv but you're reading this. ...hi? if you're from dv (finger guns) 
> 
> before u ask, aiba was NOT present for the events of the killing game, date has a backup left eye that pewter made for him w/o her consciousness in it just bc i didn't want to rp them both so i bullshat an excuse. she was with mizuki and boss the whole time :)

Date didn’t remember a lot of things. He didn’t remember his name. He didn’t remember his childhood. He  _ definitely  _ didn’t remember his parents (if he even had any). But he remembers the Despair. The first killing game. He remembers the absolute  _ hell  _ it had caused back at the MPD. His department hadn’t been shut down entirely...but Date knew he was needed elsewhere. Boss had supported his decision. Besides, Pewter had decided to go to the Future Foundation too.

It had been for Mizuki. 

To make the world a better place.

He wonders if Boss regrets that now.

Following the news. The...announcement...the  _ whatever the hell  _ that all was. Sure he’d thrown a chair against a window but seeing the  _ fucking chair break  _ is basically the last straw. Not that he’d really had any left after the nightmare abomination that was hosting this bullshit had appeared. There’s nothing left.

Definitely no hope. 

Maybe there never had been.

He takes a moment to himself, looking for an unoccupied room. Once he does, he closes and locks the door behind him, letting out a slow breath as he presses his back against the wall and slides to the floor. He looks at the bracelet on his wrist, its message  _ mocking  _ him. Don’t do this or you’ll die! Don’t do that or you’ll die! Don’t take off this bracelet or you’ll die!  _ Kill someone or you’ll die! _

It’s not looking good. 

Which is why he’d decided what he had to do. He hesitates briefly, hoping that he doesn’t look like a  _ complete  _ mess, before pulling a spare phone out of his pocket. It’s not one he ever really  _ uses _ , but he prefers having it with him on days where Aiba isn’t here. He turns on the camera, and he hits record.

[VIDEO]

**“Hey, Mizuki. Aiba. It’s me.”**

_ A deep breath. It’s obvious he’s either crying or about to cry. There’s a brief moment where his free hand covers his eyes before he finally looks at the camera again. _

**“And Boss--and. Look, I’m sure there’s other people who are going to see this. But it’s for you two in particular.”**

_ Another moment of hesitation.  _

**“I don’t know what’s going on. I’m sure this is being broadcast, just like the first one. Mizuki, I tried to keep you from watching it because I don’t--”** _ His voice cracks.  _ **“I don’t want you to despair. I know it will be hard. But I’m doing my best. We’re all--we’re all…”**

_ The camera turns off for a moment. _

_ When the camera starts up again, Date’s tears are much more obvious, despite his attempts to hide them. _

**“Mizuki...Aiba… If I don’t survive...just know I love you.”**

_ He seems distracted by something off camera, a noise heard faintly in the distance. _

**“They’re probably up to something already. I...I have to go. I’ll keep you updated, okay? If I manage to make another entry, that is…”**

_ With a sigh, the camera shuts off for good.  _

End of Log 1.


	2. Regret Message Log 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first motive is "Russian Roulette." A cruel game where someone they love will be sacrificed every day if they don't commit a murder. For Date...the death of someone he can't remember sparks some memories.

[VIDEO]

_ It’s obvious there’s someone else with Date, but they’re covered in a blanket, and don’t seem to be paying attention to his recording. There’s a box sitting on the bed behind him, labeled “Date’s cookies - DO NOT EAT.” Despite the warning, it’s apparent Date’s been sharing them with others.  _

**“There’s only three hours left until no one’s died. I don’t know why I feel so good about that. It just feels like a victory, y’know? Like it’s something to celebrate, even if...two people die tomorrow, it’s at least one day without a death! One day to be happy! Two people died in the beginning, so is it really...** **_that_ ** **different?”**

_ Despite his upbeat mood, Date’s tone is hushed. He either doesn’t want to disturb the person next to him or he doesn’t want them hearing what he’s saying.  _

**“Still, I know there’s time left but I--”**

_ He’s interrupted by a knock on the door, and he looks up, away from the camera.  _

**“I have hope,”** _he says with a smile before he stands, the camera shutting off._

[VIDEO]

**“I was so. Fucking. Wrong.”**

_ When the camera starts up, Date’s not in his room. He’s not in  _ any  _ bedroom. Judging by the tiled walls and the way his voice echoes slightly, he’s in a bathroom. He’s leaning forward, possibly gripping the sides of the sink as he looks into the camera. _

**“What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t know what’s going on, my mood is** **_all over the place_ ** **, and Willie fucking Wouse just killed some poor innocent woman and said** **_my name_ ** **!”**

_ He pauses, leaning back slightly, a lost look appearing in his eyes. _

**“But then...it’s not my name, is it? If he told her Date Kaname is responsible for her death...would she even know? Or did she know me by some other name...and just think her death was caused by some unknown asshole…”**

_ He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, his gaze far off, as if he’s struggling to remember something. And it seems he does, as he lets out a yell and clutches his head. _

_ Somehow, for just a moment, there are flickering images interspersed with the recording of Date. It’s the woman from the video, standing in front of a man no one had seen before. A gunshot. The woman laying on the floor, blood seeping from a wound in her shoulder as it stains her sweater. _

**“** **_GOD, SHIT, FUCK--I KNOW! DAMMIT!”_ **

_ He slams his fist down on the sink, the camera moving slightly with the vibration. It’s his right hand, which hasn’t fully healed from the previous encounter with glass. That doesn’t seem to deter him, but his breathing is heavy, even as his left hand grips his hair so hard it appears painful. _

**“I’m the one who--”** _ he cuts off before he can finish, and instead shouts,  _ **_“FUCK!”_ **

_ Date’s right fist makes contact with the mirror next to the camera, and glass shatters everywhere, showing multiple Dates even as the camera falls to the floor with a clatter.  _

_ Blood drips slowly from Date’s fist to the floor, making very quiet  _ plip...plip...plip  _ noises that are the only sound as Date stands, silently. No longer shouting.  _

_ There’s a voice from outside the bathroom, one that vaguely sounds like it’s calling his name. Kaname. Date looks over at the door before bending down to pick up the camera.  _

**“I...should probably go to the infirmary,”** _ he says, looking down at his hand, which is bleeding freely.  _

_ Even as he takes a step towards the door, glass crunches beneath his boots, and he sighs.  _

**“Great. I’ll have to get** **_this_ ** **cleaned up later, too…”** _ For some reason, as he looks down at the broken glass, he lets out a small laugh.  _ **“Remember when you first came to live with me and you broke that glass? ...At least that’s one memory I still have.”**

_ He looks directly at the camera, but for once there are no tears in his eyes. _

**“I love you, Mizuki.”**

_ And with that, the video ends. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> additional notes if ur still here lol
> 
> date's own code was that he could not ask abt his past or discuss anything he remembered. this took place 2 yrs before the events of aitsf so date does not remember hitomi (or had even met her in his current body)


	3. Regret Message Log 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second motive is Monopoly, and Date deals with the ups and downs that come along with it (including a completely unrelated power outage). A brief overview of various events throughout the second chapter, as the killing game continues, Date starts slipping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part of the motive was u could beat someone up and take their points BUT grimnir's code was that he couldn't allow an assailant to survive a fight, so date refused to fight in front of him :)

[VIDEO] 

_ The camera is focused on Date, who stares silently at it for a long time. He's sitting in his office for once, and it seems there's no one else around. His gaze seems a little distant, as if he's unable to keep his concentration on it. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping. _

**"Okay,"** _ he finally says.  _ **"So this... motive? It's a little. It's...what the fu–"**

_ The camera cuts out briefly, censoring his swear. _

**"Look, it's just...I–I don't want to fight anyone. I just want to** **_help_ ** **, but for some damn reason I just...maybe I** **_do_ ** **want to fight someone…"**

_ He frowns, looking down at his desk, his hand tightening into a fist. _

**"No. I promised I wouldn't... because...he worries about me. And I...I think he's right. If you're watching this, I'm sorry, Mizuki."** _ He sighs, putting his head in his hands.  _ **"I've been nothing but a failure lately, huh?"**

_ The video ends. _

[VIDEO]

_ Date is in his office again, it's still apparent he hasn't been sleeping much at all, but this time he seems more agitated.  _

**"I'm trying–I'm trying, okay? I'm trying so...** **_so_ ** **damn hard. Why can't they see that? Am I not trying hard enough? I know this motive doesn't involve not sleeping, but–shit, Mizuki, I can't sleep. I just can't."**

_ He puts his head in his hands again, leaning back in his chair and letting out a long sigh. _

**"It's like–No matter what I do I'm just an idiot to them. Hell, I'm probably an idiot to you too. ...You, and Aiba, and Boss…"** _ He lets out a mirthless laugh, letting one hand drop to his side.  _ **"Yep. I'm just an idiot. No wonder no one listens to me. Because I'm going to die here. I'm.."**

_ A tear is barely visible on his cheek, even as he keeps his eyes covered with one hand. _

**"That's why I'm making these videos. Because I'm some stupid idiot that's going to die–and maybe you'll listen to me after I'm gone."**

_ He finally looks at the camera again, eyes sparkling with tears, but he seems to pay them no mind. _

**"Even if you never listened to me before–and you'll sure as hell never listen to me again...just listen to me now, okay? I love you, Mizuki. ...I always have."**

[VIDEO]

_ This time, Date is barely visible, as the lights in the office are out. There's some distant noise in the background, but he doesn't seem to be paying attention.  _

**"Something's going on. I don't care, honestly. I just wanted a nap but instead I guess I'm going to make quesadillas. Because...fuck sleeping, am I right? Ah, shit, I was trying not to swear in front of y–"**

_ There's something that sounds suspiciously like a scream in the distance, but Date simply rolls his eyes. _

**"Oh my god, it's the** **_lights_ ** **, it's not like it's a dead body. Anyway...if I make it out of this–still unlikely–I'll make you some quesadillas too. Love you, Mizuki."**

[VIDEO] 

_ There's something very odd about Date. Primarily the fact that his hair is  _ pink _. Bright, bubblegum pink. He's messing with the strand of hair that usually falls on his face, looking at the shade as he twists the lock between his fingers with idle curiosity. _

**"So...turns out? Aiba is 98% of my impulse control,"** _ he finally says.  _ **"And it looks like Grimnir and Pewter are both another...like...one whole percent each. And speaking of percentages– I've decided to make 4% milk–"**

_ There's a noise as something falls off his desk off camera, and Date quickly jumps to his feet to pick it back up. When he returns, he shakes his head, attention back on the pink hair rather than the milk. _

**"Yeah, uh...it sure is...pink. I don't know. I wasn't really sleeping before I did this and then after I washed out the excess dye I finally passed out. What do you think?"**

_ He suddenly goes quiet, a look of strangely intense concentration on his face.  _

**"Why… Hmm… For some reason, it just...reminded me of someone for a moment. But that's...that's dumb, right? I don't know anyone with pink hair. ...Or do I…"**

[VIDEO]

_ For once, Date isn't alone, as both Pewter and Grimnir are in the office with him. He has a stupid smile plastered on his face, and it seems he's more asleep than he is awake. _

**"Mizuki, listen–listen– I made 4% milk and–"**

_ Before he can finish, Pewter takes the phone from him. Something is said about Date needing to sleep before the video fully ends. _

[VIDEO]

_ Date looks highly uncomfortable, fidgeting with a pen just to give himself something to do. He accidentally flicks the pen off the desk, and lets out a quiet swear before turning his attention to the camera. _

**"Okay. Okay. I...may have. Done something stupid today. Repeated. Stupidity. Ugh."**

_ He leans down to pick up the pen, disappearing for just a moment.  _

**"Alright. I know that you know that I worked for the MPD before the Future Foundation,"** _ he says.  _ **"But my actual job was for a secret department known as ABIS: the Advanced Brain Investigation Squad. Pewter worked there, too… He's the entire reason I had my job and my ti–"**

_ Date cuts himself off quickly, looking as if there's something he still doesn't want to admit. Even to Mizuki. _

**"Somniums came up today…** **_Why the hell did I let that happen?_ ** **They're just...a dream world, based on memories of a particular event or series of events. My job involved...going into those dreams."**

_ He looks frustrated with himself for some reason. Whether it's because of talking about Somniums or his job… _

**"It's nothing special. Anyone can do it, honestly. But...I guess it's the only talent I've ever had. I just wish I knew...** **_why._ ** **"**

[VIDEO]

_ It's obvious Date is exhausted. He's sitting at his desk, random erasers shaped like food scattered in front of him. He's giving them a very tired look, as if contemplating their existence in addition to if they would be edible. He picks one up, shaped like an ice cream cone, but he doesn't put it in his mouth. Yet. _

**"Lately...I've been falling asleep more often than I mean to. Today, I woke up in a room that wasn't even mine. And a note saying…"** _ Date goes quiet, the eraser dropping from his hand back to the desk.  _ **"...I don't get it. I just...I don't. Renju said once he thought all mothers automatically love their children, but...is it really possible for someone to love me unconditionally?"**

_ His gaze shifts, looking somewhere off camera, though it's likely he's looking at the door. _

**"Don't get me wrong. I love Pewter and Grimnir, but… They don't even know what I've done. Could anyone actually love me after that? I'm sure** **_she_ ** **didn't. I don't think I could ever be forgiven for that...let alone** **_deserve_ ** **forgiveness. ...I wish I could tell them...but I think I'm too much of a coward."**

_ There's a knock at the door, and Date calls out for whoever it is to come in. Nathan sets down a cup of tea for Date, a few words are exchanged, and Date is alone again.  _

_ He stares at the tea, as if wondering if he even deserves  _ that. 

**"I don't understand how some people can be so kind...despite all of this. I showed kindness once and what did I get for my efforts?"**

_ Date makes a noise somewhere between anger and disgust. Rather than elaborating, he picks up the tea and takes a few sips. _

**"Still... Nathan's a good kid. I know it's hard, but… I want you to be like him, if you can. Be kind. Not too kind...but enough. Protect what you love...and that includes yourself. ...I love you, Mizuki."**

_ It seems Date forgets to turn off the camera, as it continues running for a while, even after his last words. Within a few moments, his head has dropped to the desk, and he's fallen asleep. A bit later, someone comes in to gently drape a blanket over him and turn out the lights in his office. _

_ Despite the severity of their situation...it seems there really are still those who freely give their love to others.  _

_ And Date is one of them.  _


	4. Regret Message Log 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third motive: Simon Says. For every command refused, a secret will be revealed about them. Date's past as an assassin was already hinted at during the death of a friend by his NG Code. He begins to worry more about his past...even if he can't discuss it. The strain of trying to care for everyone begins to affect his health.

[VIDEO]

_ It’s obvious there’s something wrong. Date looks shaken, his gaze unable to focus. How long had it been since he last slept? Too long. And there’s nothing anyone can do to make him stop. Not after what had been shared the other day.  _

**_"Says a former assassin. Taking someone's life for compensation? That's pretty low. At least, if I want someone dead, I go and do it myself."_ **

_ Still, Date takes a long time to say anything, as if he’s trying to find words, but he can’t. Because he can’t say them? Or because he doesn’t know what they are…? _

**“Mizuki, listen, I--”**

_ He chokes on the words, and he has to take a moment to compose himself before trying again. Judging by his face, he’s still thinking about what was said to him--and being reminded of the name: “Hitomi.”  _

**“...With this--** **_motive_ ** **, you might...hear some awful things about me. And I’m...I’m sorry. I can’t speak for who I was before four years ago, but I’ve tried my best to be a...guardian to you, and to be the best person I can be… But the fact remains that I--did I kill people? I guess I...did…”**

_ Date trails off, looking away from the camera again. It almost looks as though there are tears forming in his right eye. Almost. But if there are, he doesn’t let them fall.  _

**“I can’t tell you how to feel about me. You could hate me, whether or not I make it out of this alive. And that’s...that’s your right. Your choice. But I want you to know...I love you, okay? No matter what I did…”**

_ He sighs heavily, setting the camera down for a moment so it focuses on the ceiling instead. When he speaks again, he still hasn’t picked up the camera. It’s whispered quietly, clearly not intended for Mizuki--or anyone else’s--ears.  _

**“Honestly, I...I want to know...who I was. So maybe...no matter how horrible it is, it’s worth the risk…”**

_ And the video ends.  _

[VIDEO]

_ It’s dark outside, and Date’s standing in the middle of a mostly destroyed garden. A lot of it has been cleaned up, but the damage is still obvious. If he looked tired before, he’s absolutely exhausted now. There are prominent dark circles under his eyes, even in the poor lighting. He’s breathing somewhat heavily and it looks as though he’s regretted taking on such a major task.  _

**“I said I would clean up the gardens, but** **_god_ ** **, this is worse than I thought. Whoever destroyed it really did a number on the place.”**

_ He doesn’t seem to blame them, though. Everyone is going through difficult times, Date more than most seem to realize. _

**“I don’t think people understand** **_why_ ** **I’m so willing to put myself in danger. There are dark and dangerous secrets that they don’t want known...and if that means hurting someone...I’d rather it be me than someone else.”**

_ His gaze, which was already unfocused, grows even more distant as he stares at a point somewhere behind the camera. _

**“It’s the only way I have any worth, after all…”**

_ The last few words were said in a murmur, but they’re clear as day in the silent garden. Date blinks suddenly, and puts a hand to his head.  _

**“Ugh, this headache is killing me-- What the fuck?”**

_ He opens his mouth as if he’s going to speak again, but instead, he sways on his feet. He fumbles with the camera, and then drops it. And a second later, a loud thump is heard as Date joins the camera on the ground.  _

_ There’s a worried call of his name somewhere in the background--and then the video ends. _


	5. Regret Message [ERROR] MESSAGE NOT SENT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discussion with Pewter about their shared past answered some questions Date knows he's incapable of asking. For once, Date fails to record a message. As the demands of Simon Says get harsher, Date finds himself falling ill to a virus that infected the infirmary. Muddled by dreams of his past, Date makes a confession to Grimnir.

After the revelation yesterday about Date’s “condition,” he feels he needs to record another message to Mizuki. He feels better about everything since his talk with Pewter. Not entirely happy, but better. He has questions surrounding the  _ why, how,  _ and  _ how long _ , but he couldn’t ask them. Not yet. And when Ahn and Tao end up in the infirmary because of bad food, the moment he had passed. 

He attempts to get up to try the food, consequences be damned. He’s had his fair share of bad food or downright inedible objects (the Play-Doh incident was best left unmentioned), so he thinks he can handle a bit of undercooked, poorly made, or genuinely poisoned curry. Whether or not he actually can will forever be left up to debate, because after two steps, his legs promptly stop working and his face meets the floor. 

_ Eat ass in the halls? More like eat shit in the infirmary… _

Naib is courteous enough to help him back to bed.  _ For now _ . And Date’s curry cravings are left unsatisfied. All of it is promptly forgotten a bit later when the first secret is revealed.  _ More murder, apparently… _ Date isn’t one to let this go--not after the pep talk he received from Pewter earlier about his past not defining him. He goes with Grimnir (and Nathan) to find Shades, but their search proves fruitless. 

No sign of him, and no amount of  _ pspsps _ ing draws him out. And by the time they’ve stopped, two more secrets are revealed, followed by a painful shock to Date’s bracelet. He winces, pulling on the bracelet instinctively as if it would relieve the pain or remove the damn thing from his wrist. It does neither. It also likely doesn’t help that Date was still being held by Grimnir, so their shocks were shared with each other. 

And of course, because his day just  _ keeps getting fucking better _ , the vision in his left eye winks out once, twice...and then it goes dark for good. Good thing he has a backup...somewhere? He’ll deal with it later. For now, they need to return to the infirmary.

Upon entering the infirmary, something immediately feels  _ off _ . Date’s unable to pinpoint what exactly it is, because his head begins pounding with a horrible headache. Something feels... _ wrong _ . So wrong. And yet...familiar? 

_ “What’s your name?” _

__ _ “It’s ---a ---n---.”  _

__ _ “What are we doing?” _

__ _ “...This is the future, ----u-san.” _

His head hurts so badly...who? What?  _ When?  _ He feels like he’s going to be physically sick…

Nathan is asking him what’s wrong, telling everyone to leave the infirmary. But Date doesn’t  _ want  _ to leave, he wants to  _ sleep _ . He wants to dream of a past he can’t remember. Grimnir is trying to comfort him even as he pulls Date to his feet and then into his arms. Date needs to say something, though. About what this smell is. 

_ “What’s that smell?” _

__ _ “Oh. I remember this...from when -----h- was ill…” _

__ _ “Is it dangerous?” _

__ _ “You’ll get sick from it, probably. But it won’t kill you. ...You’ll wish it did, though.” _

“My childhood,” he mumbles out loud, but Grimnir isn’t listening. There are more important things going on, and despite Date’s best attempts, his words go unheard. 

At least he manages to tell the chat...they’ll survive. It just won’t be pretty. 

He thinks he must fall asleep for a short amount of time, because the next thing he knows, he’s sitting on the couch in his office, Grimnir methodically unbuttoning his vest, pulling off his sweater. Something about having to do laundry? Disinfect the clothing? He tells Date that Naib will be there for him, and not to worry. 

But Date  _ does  _ worry. Could Grimnir get sick from something like this? He has to keep in contact through the group chat--asking for a thermometer because he can feel the vaguely familiar onset of a fever. He hopes he won’t say anything stupid this time during it. 

_ “---a? I like you...a lot.” _

__ _ “What...where’s this coming from?” _

__ _ “I dunno, just thought I should tell you.” _

__ _ “...You’re sick, ----u-san. Just rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.” _

__ _ “Promise?” _

__ _ “Of course.” _

The fever makes Date shiver, wrapped in the blanket Grimnir had left for him, even as Naib worries over him and his gradually increasing temperature. He likes Naib, and his fat tits, but he misses Grimnir more than anything. He needed  _ something  _ to occupy his time, though, and this room was  _ severely  _ lacking in certain areas. So he had to take it upon himself to go curtains shopping online. 

_ Can he get free two day shipping during a killing game?  _ Sure. Amazon Prime that shit. 

Date hits the button to purchase the 3 pack of sashimi in Neko Atsume. 

“These curtains are gonna be so fucking good,” he mutters to himself.

He doesn’t entirely catch on to what the group chat is talking about, something about mirrors? Who fucking cared about mirrors when this room needed fucking  _ curtains _ ? Mirror, mirror, on the wall--why did the name Kagami sound familiar? Eh, that was probably just the fever talking. 

It seems his curtain purchasing (which is  _ very  _ important, thank you very much) is not approved by Naib...or Grimnir, for that matter. After seeing a final message from Grimnir saying “I love you Kaname,” Naib takes his phone and tells him to sleep. 

And Date tries. He truly, sincerely tries. But he can’t stop thinking about Grimnir. Eventually, he gives up, letting the cold compress fall off his forehead as he gently retrieves his phone from Naib. He has to let Grimnir know he loves him...and there’s something else, too. A thought that has bothered him since he saw Grimnir’s message in the chat. 

He has a thousand words he wants to say to Grimnir, but no idea how to make his body cooperate with him long enough to get them out.

_ I’m sorry you’re in this Killing Game. I’m sorry you didn’t witness the first one and have no idea what you’re in for. I’m sorry you fell in love with an assassin who can’t feel love. I’m sorry I’m hurting you no matter what I do. I love you, Grimnir. Please...don’t leave. Please...don’t...don’t go where I can’t follow.  _

He only manages to type two words:  _ Don’t go. _

And Grimnir replies with the two words he needs:  _ I won’t. _

He closes his eyes...and slips into sleep. 

He dreams about many things--about the past. The present. The future. He dreams of somniums he’s completed, he dreams up somniums he’s never encountered. He dreams of Pewter...of Mizuki...of Boss. He dreams of Grimnir, too. But Grimnir’s is the one that feels the most realistic. 

In his dream, he sees Grimnir leaning over him, adjusting the cold compress on Date’s forehead with a concerned frown. It makes Date weak, for just a moment. He could tell Grimnir now all the feelings he tried to convey earlier in the group chat. A fake Grimnir he can pour his heart out to. In that moment, he makes his decision.

“Hey, Grimnir,” Date says to his imaginary boyfriend. 

“Yes, Kaname?” Grimnir responds with all the patience and kindness of the real Grimnir that it makes Date falter, ever so slightly. But he could never say these words to the  _ real  _ Grimnir. They’re too selfish--too painful to admit in the waking world--and too irresponsible. 

“I know you’re from another world...but please don’t leave me.” Despite his best efforts, tears began to form in his eyes. What a pitiful dream this was. “I love you so much, and I’ll miss you--I’ll miss you so badly. Please, don’t make me lose you. Please…”

Whatever Grimnir’s response was, Date doesn’t hear it. He slips into another dream world. One without pain...or secrets...or love that was never meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if ur not from dv. gj on reading this far? but if not, grimnir was literally isekai'd so he's from the gbf world :') 
> 
> also after akira died, we had aikira and date rlly did teach that ai to say eat ass in the halls god bless


	6. Regret Message LOCKED ENTRY: Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third motive continues taking its toll on Date as more secrets about him and Pewter are revealed. He begins to shut himself off from others, becoming temporarily nonverbal. And most of all...he hopes that no one blames Pewter for their shared past. And shared mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for self harm, mostly unintentional. but watch out. kachow. also yes, we really set grimnir on fire.

It's nearly noon, but Date makes no move to get up. He's pressed close to Grimnir, staring at the bandages that now cover his hands. It's funny...how all of this started the other day...and progressed to a point where Date could no longer record a message to Mizuki. He wanted to...after everything that happened. But he couldn't hold a camera...and he couldn't speak. He can't think of anything he could possibly say now that would make her feel better. ...Mostly because there's nothing to make  _ him _ feel any better either.

He carefully unwinds the bandages from his right hand, seeing the burns and the cuts slowly uncover. They still hurt—and definitely haven't healed—but Date stares silently at them...recalling what had brought him to that point.

_ Artificially Induced Extrasensory Perception: AI-ESP for short. Date had gained this ability through human experimentation by someone he loved: Pewter. _

It wasn't the first secret revealed about Date, and he couldn't help but worry it wouldn't be his last. It was a difficult conversation, but it needed to be had with Pewter.  _ But god, did Date not want to. _

He listened as Pewter explained his powers...and how they worked. As Pewter admits to using Date to satisfy his own scientific curiosity. Date managed to ask the single question that was weighing heavily on his chest. Did Pewter love him? Or was all affection a result of pity for the man that Pewter felt he had ruined the life of? 

Those words came so easily for Date… 

_ "I love you, Futa." _

And to hear in return…  _ "I love you, Kaname."  _

That's all Date needed to never put any of the blame on Pewter. 

How could he ever blame someone he loved so much?

Kaname Date hates mirrors. He hates them  _ so fucking much _ . It's lucky so many of them are now gone, but the one in Room J isn't. And what Date hates about mirrors...is that he sees the person he hates the most in them.

Who  _ was _ Kaname Date, anyway? A nobody. Someone pathetic, only made special with his secret ESP and his willingness to be a test subject. 

And that's what he can't understand. Why would Pewter blame himself, when Date was the one who volunteered for it? Why hadn't he said no? Why hadn't his past self cared enough about himself? 

Date looks at himself in the mirror, and for some reason he doesn't understand who's looking back at him. His eyes, one natural green and one artificial yellow. The dark circles that seem to perpetually be beneath them. The familiarly messy hair that falls on his face. He's seen this face every day for the past four years. 

So why does it still feel like a stranger is looking back at him?

He can't stand it. He can't  _ fucking  _ stand himself. He hates Kaname Date—he hates not knowing who he was before. He hates that Pewter is blaming himself for Date's mistakes. 

_ "Stop. Looking at me!" _

Date draws back his right fist...and lets it go, shattering the mirror into thousands of pieces. He's certain his hand is bleeding now, but he doesn't care, even as he smashes it into the largest piece left on the floor. He hates that mirrors, when broken, leave fractured images reflected back at him. But he wants it gone. 

He wants  _ Kaname Date _ gone. 

Because if Kaname Date were gone, perhaps he could find the person truly responsible for Pewter's suffering...buried somewhere in his inaccessible memories.

It doesn't take long for Grimnir to come to take care of him...as usual. He helps clean up the glass, gently cleaning and bandaging the new wounds on the back of his hand. Date doesn't say anything as Grimnir cares for him. He doesn't know what  _ to _ say. Instead, he sits in silence, staring at what's left of his reflection. All he can see is his left eye...fake. Just like the rest of his identity.

Date doesn't remember much about the motive, or the command that everyone kept refusing. All he remembers is the  _ unbearable heat _ . And begging for Oswald to hurt him instead.

He had done his best to put his hands between Grimnir and his bracelet, but he knew he couldn't remove it. He couldn't guarantee that Grimnir wouldn't be in any pain. But even as the bracelet grew unbearably hot, Date refused to let go. The pain was unimaginable, to the point where he thought he stopped feeling it at all.

_ A severe enough degree of burn will cause nerve damage _ , Aiba's voice echoes in his mind, a tidbit from another time. 

But Date doesn't listen. He can't. He cries out in pain and  _ begs _ Oswald to do whatever he wanted, to  _ kill  _ him if need be. Just stop hurting the people he loved— _ please _ ! 

He doesn't remember anything past that point. 

Grimnir notices Date unwinding the bandages, observing the still unhealed cuts and burns. Date idly remembers Nathan doing something...putting ointment on his burns? When he had woken up before, both hands were bandaged. But now…

"Kaname…" Grimnir says softly. He sighs, ripping apart his shirt for fresh bandages, and Date feels overcome with guilt. Why on earth did Grimnir care so much for him?

Someone like him...couldn't Grimnir see he wasn't worth it?

But Date says nothing as Grimnir rebandages his hand. Just silently stares and accepts the gentle kiss Grimnir presses to his forehead. He refuses to look Grimnir in the eyes, and is unable to force a single "thank you" out. Grimnir understands, he thinks, though he doesn't pretend to know why.

**Of course they revealed another secret about him.** It doesn't really come as a surprise, though. He knew he'd never been worth anything, let alone enough to get into such a prestigious school like Hope's Peak. His talent of Ultimate Psyncer was only possible because of Pewter. 

Date thought the day couldn't get any worse, but now Pewter is blaming himself. Taking responsibility for  _ Date's choices. _ There are no mirrors left for Date to take his anger and frustration out on, but that wasn't going to stop him. He's  _ begging  _ Pewter not to blame himself—and he doesn't want anyone else to either. People shouldn't distrust Pewter over Date's choices either. 

He might not remember clearly what happened back then, but he knows…he knows he hates someone for what happened back then. And it isn't Pewter.

Both of his hands are still in pain, but his left one less so. He might not have a mirror, but he sure as hell can punch  _ whatever the fuck else he wants _ , in this case? A wall. The impact hurts more than it should, and Date winces. Something was wrong...his fingers are refusing to unbend properly, and the pain is excruciating.

_ Of course he would break his fucking hand on a damn ass wall. _

He hears someone coming, and quickly hides his hand. He doesn't want anyone worrying over him. It'll be fine, right? ...Hopefully. 

When the lights go out, Date doesn't panic. He knew to expect it. But was it really that hard, Date? Couldn't you have just taken the command instead of forcing Pewter to admit to thinking he hurt you?

Of course he wanted to know more about his past, but at what cost? Was this new information really worth the emotional toll?

He barely says anything as Grimnir and Pewter cook, unable to make himself useful with the state his hands are in. Maybe it was better that way. He keeps his hands in his lap, silently wondering if he should get painkillers from his office. He doesn't want to make Grimnir and Pewter worry, though…

Whatever it takes, he can't let them blame themselves for his own foolish impulsive actions. Even if that means not saying anything about it until his death—then so be it. He loves them too much.

And he doesn't want to keep being the cause of their pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember how RIGHT after i wrote this pewter murdered 5 ppl. god fucking dammit pewter


	7. Regret Message Log 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the murder of Pierrot Nakamura, Naib Subedar, Kyoya Saikai, Clemont Miare, Ren Suzugamori, and Aikira, Pewter is found guilty at the trial. Aside from Aikira...that was more of Pierrot's fault. Date tries to come to terms with what happened and why, and is left with a letter from Pewter and a personnel file on a certain Hayato Yagyu.

[VIDEO]

_ Date is sitting at Pewter's desk, the decor of the office the clearest hint of his location. He looks...nervous. Frazzled. Tired. It's obvious the secrets from the motive did a number on him, and losing Pewter was making recovery even harder. Still, his attention seems focused on something sitting on the desk in front of him...it appears to be a file of some sort, stamped with the official ABIS logo and clearly marked  _ **_CLASSIFIED._ **

"So." 

_ Date says a single word before he pauses, looking down at the file again. There's another piece of paper behind the file, and the only part of writing visible is a name—Kaname. _

"Futa... _ Pewter _ left me a letter. Explaining what happened. I...I wish he hadn't… Sort of. I know it's my fault six people are dead—and according to this?"  _ He taps the file on the desk.  _ "I've killed...plenty more. With my own hands."

_ He puts his head in his hands for a moment, letting out a long sigh. After a moment of silence, he looks back up at the camera. _

"So...here's the thing. I...don't remember  _ any  _ of the shit in this file. And so much of it sounds fake, I can't be sure. I mean it's so far-fetched but I…"

_ He glances down at the file again briefly. _

"I trust him. I always have."

_ Date opens the file, carefully removing a photograph of a man that had been paperclipped to the papers inside. He holds it up to the camera, but the face isn't one that's recognizable to many people. _

_ He looks nothing like Date, with short black hair, and an expression looking like he had seen far too much of the world. About the only thing he has in common with Date is the dark circles beneath his eyes. Though he's not smiling, it feels as though it goes further than that. A man who had seen the worst the world had to offer and more. _

_ Date sets down the photograph. _

"That...is Hayato Yagyu. ...And it's apparently my real name."

_ Confusion and apprehension are still apparent on Date's face, likely because the next leap of logic made no sense. It couldn't be called logic then, could it? _

"Pewter said that if I read the file, things wouldn't make sense, but I had to believe him. He's right. This guy looks  _ nothing _ like me—but… His personal information. Date of birth: August 3rd. But he's 12 years older than me, this guy should be 40 by now.  _ I  _ should be 40 by now. Attended Hope's Peak Academy in—how coincidentally—some of the same years Pewter did. His Ultimate is listed as 'Psyncer.' I know I'm not the only psyncer in the world, but it's such a  _ unique  _ talent that I can't brush it off as coincidence."

_ Date lets out a frustrated groan, leaning back in the chair and putting his hands over his face for a moment. Neither hand has healed yet, but at the very least he actually has a splint on his left hand. He winces as he pulls his hands away, looking back at the file. _

"It's just...I don't get it. Pewter said if I could find a Psync machine manual, it  _ would,  _ but I can't find one anywhere in his office. What am I supposed to do, ask the chat if anyone got one from that weird machine?"

_ Letting out another sigh, Date looks back at the photograph of Hayato Yagyu sitting on the desk. He picks it up carefully, as if a single wrong move would reduce it to ashes and take away one of the most important clues to his past. _

"I don't know why...but I still just… I don't recognize him. Or  _ me _ , I guess. If this were the face I saw every time I looked in a mirror, would I feel better? The  _ name _ ...it sounds right. Hayato. But I don't... I don't have any memories associated with it. And I think…"  _ he trails off briefly, staring at the photo in silence.  _ "I think...even as badly as I wanted to know what my name was...it doesn't feel...  _ right.  _ It feels right that it's a name I used to be called...but Boss...and Futa...and Grimnir...they all call me Kaname Date. So...I don't know who I used to be, but I… I'm Kaname Date now."

_ Setting down the photograph, Date gently closes the file and pushes it away from him slightly. It's obvious it's still weighing heavily on his mind, but he won't talk about it any further. _

"Yesterday just...haunts me. Every time I close my eyes, I  _ see _ him. What they did to him. And what he did...for me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get those images out of my head for as long as I live… I'm surprised I was able to sleep at  _ all.  _ But I won't tonight. I can't. I just…"

_ There's a knock on the door, and Date looks up, panic immediately appearing in his eyes. _

"Shit. I forgot I ran off— _ fuck! _ I…"  _ he hesitates before standing up, picking up the camera as well.  _ "I'll tell Grimnir...about all of this...and...about these recordings. If something happens to me, I want to make sure they get to you. ...I love you, Mizuki."

_ There's a sound as one of the magical girl figures on the shelf behind him falls, slowly pushed off by an invisible force. Date whips around immediately, staring at the figure on the ground, and the shelf it fell from. He's quiet for a very long time before he finally whispers five words. _

"I love you too, Futa."

_ And then the video ends. _


	8. PSYNCIN' IN THE DESPaiR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date's death. The investigation of his body. And the trial that follows.

Everything that happened right before and leading up to his death has become...hazy. Muted by the shock, he thinks. He knows he made a fatal error...that he showed up at the garden just a moment too late, seeing Penny lying lifeless on the pavement. His attempts to slip away quietly failed, and Tao and Osomatsu chased him down to his office.

He remembers the sound of breaking glass, of glancing at the floor and feeling his heart  _ break _ seeing the photo of Mizuki on the floor. He remembers forcing out a single word as Tao stood over him with the sword she'd taken from Penny's body. 

_ "Please—"  _

He remembers pain...and…

Now he's dead. 

He stares at his body, unable to think. Unable to feel. He's dimly aware that Osomatsu is in the corner, likely still upset about what happened. Why shouldn't he be? Date liked Osomatsu, he was like a brother. And Osomatsu...well...he didn't  _ hate _ Date, right? Tao...she hadn't wanted to do this. Date knows that… He knows… Honestly, what did he know? 

He'd had a strange feeling of unease. An expectation that something  _ bad  _ was going to happen to him. He couldn't explain how or why—he thinks it's something to do with his ESP. A vision of the future delivered to him from another timeline. Was the future of  _ this  _ timeline, though? Or… It didn't matter now. At least he'd succeeded in one promise...to find a cure for Iah. Date doesn't dare think about the promise he broke.

_ So stupid and foolish. You begged him to never leave, and what do you do? You go and fucking die on him. Didn't you promise Haruto you would survive too? You're good for nothing—nothing but breaking promises.  _

Date closes his eyes, tries to block those thoughts out of his mind. But it's so hard...being left here alone with his thoughts. Just him...his body...Osomatsu… and his thoughts. At least the poison was gone now that he was dead. What a stellar bonus. 

To be honest, he thinks there's something wrong. That he hasn't  _ quite  _ adjusted to being dead yet because he can't tell if there's other ghosts around. He knows they have to exist...ever since Futa. And he hoped that Futa would be the first person to see him when he died… But for now…

It feels like an eternity passes before there's a sound at the door. Date looks up,  _ finally _ —and prays to gods he doesn't believe in that it's not Grimnir. It takes them a moment, since the door is barricaded with his desk. But with enough force, they get the desk out of the way, and Date stares silently at his killer. 

There's a lot to take in as far as reactions go. But Date only has eyes for one person. Grimnir.

_ "I'm sorry—"  _ he tries to say, but even in death, it seems his voice still struggles to cooperate. He tries again and  _ again _ , forcing the words out.

_ "I-I'm s—" _

Olivia leads Grimnir away from the scene, and Date stares after them, his hand outstretched, wishing they would come back.  _ Wishing _ he could talk to Grimnir one last time. But they're gone.  _ He _ was gone. And he was never coming back. 

His hand lowers. He draws it to his chest, placing it over his no longer beating heart. Turning his attention back to the others in his office, some form of relief washes over him when he sees Futa.

_ "F-Fu…" _

He gets a notification in the chatroom—(they had a chatroom??)—of Futa apologizing to him. Date tries to tell him not to, that  _ he's _ the one who fucked everything up, but Futa gives him a quick hug and leaves before he gets the chance. Date attempts to steel himself; there will be a chance to talk to Futa later. To reassure  _ him _ next. Date thinks he can just go after him now, but another familiar face causes him to pause.

Two. Oh god,  _ Two.  _ Date is overcome with guilt. They were just another person he'd never wanted to leave. Maybe they would like him more, now that he was dead… What an idiot he was...to think he could be like a brother to them. He buries the thoughts, tries to pay attention to the investigation instead.

At least, despite everything, Two is holding themself together enough to insist on investigating his body. It seems not everyone has the same opinion...or cares. 

"But Date isn't the only one dead here!"

_ "But I'm...dead," _ he wants to protest.  _ "I'm literally dead, and it took you over an hour to come find me—did you spend all that time investigating? Did none of you question where I was? Didn't you...care?" _

He feels tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, feels a burning in his throat. But he doesn't say anything. It's not like they would hear him anyway. 

Most of the attention is turned towards Osomatsu, hounding him with questions about what transpired. Of course they'd take what they thought would be the easy route...why shouldn't they? Date stops listening after a while, not wanting to think about how he would be stepping in to prevent a fight if he were still alive. Instead, he looks at the shattered glass of the picture frame that Grimnir had given him for his birthday. There's blood on the photograph of Mizuki...the girl he considered a daughter.

It hurts...seeing something so dear to him broken. Maybe this was just some sick metaphor for everything he loved breaking with his death. Grimnir's heart, Mizuki's family… He hated it. He hated that he couldn't fix it. He hated that he was the reason all of it was broken to begin with.

After the investigation, Date finds Futa again. It isn't hard, but Date refuses to let go, holding Futa tightly in his arms. He had thought (stupidly) that it would be so long before he got this chance again. It doesn't matter now. He holds Futa and  _ continues  _ holding him, even as everyone proceeds to the trial. Date will go as well. Soon. Just because he figures he should be there.

But he loves Futa...and he's all Date has left to hold onto.

Date can hardly focus during the trial. Of  _ course  _ Osomatsu was going to try to take the blame, and he wasn't exactly  _ lying _ by saying he'd killed Penny and helped kill Date. It hurts, thinking that Osomatsu was going to lose Tao at the end of it all...but… 

For the most part, Date is content to sit and hold Penny and Futa's hands, resting his head on Futa's shoulder. He really hadn't expected people to care all that much about his death...why should they? Sure, he missed plenty of them already, but...did they miss him back? The doubt makes its home in his chest, settling there heavily and weighing down, making it hard to breathe. He doesn't voice his thoughts, though. He just watches and waits and... occasionally talks with the others in the chatroom.

That is...until…

_ "No—"  _

The word is whispered, but it comes out with no hesitation. He sees Grimnir looking at his phone, about to question the text Date never sent. It was stupid to write it in his last moments. But he was desperate, he couldn't help it. He had to let Grimnir know—

**"But none of ya knew the truth, huh? That** ** _Kaname Date_** **_can’t feel love unless he kills someone._** **So did he truly love ya? Who knows!"**

Despite knowing this as a truth and fact, it still  _ fucking hurts.  _ Hearing the rat  _ gleefully  _ tell everyone, living and dead, that Date couldn't naturally feel love  _ again _ is enough to shatter his heart. He has to take a moment to compose himself, to stop from screaming words Grimnir won't hear. 

Pleas of  _ "I love you, I  _ love  _ you, I swear you have to believe me!"  _ never come. He stands up, gently letting go of Penny and Futa to embrace Grimnir instead, for just a moment. He knows there's nothing he can do. He knows Grimnir can't feel him. But he gently gives Grimnir a ghostly kiss, some form of reassurance. He wishes it could be more. He wishes Grimnir knew the full truth...but things were never that easy, were they? 

The trial continues, with some issues along the way (particularly Osomatsu being freed from the threat of death by code for a brief while), but eventually Tao confesses. Date watches silently as everyone votes for her, and as she willingly goes to her death. It's not... _ exactly _ willing, though. She tries to fight it at the end, but...it's too little too late.

_ Just like me _ , he thinks bitterly. 

When Tao joins them, Date is quick to assure her he doesn't blame her. He doesn't want Penny to forgive just because he does, but it seems it's a decision she makes on her own. A brief five minutes after the trial also allow Osomatsu into the chatroom, and Date struggles to get his own thoughts together.

_ I have to let them know I care. That I love them. God, there's so many of them, though, he'll never remember them all— _

Before that point, Date had never really thought about how many people he cared for in the Future Foundation. But now that he was dead...a majority of the 16 remaining were dear to him. He wishes he hadn't left them. He wishes he'd been able to fight back more. Mostly...he regrets.

Once Osomatsu is gone, Date takes Futa with him to find Grimnir. At the very least, it seems Percy is taking care of him.  _ Thank goodness… _ Grimnir is settling down for the night, and Date is overcome with contrasting emotions. Grief, longing, love, sorrow, comfort… He takes a deep breath to try to hold back the tears. Before Futa and Grimnir, Date doesn't think he's ever felt so strongly. But he knows he loves them both with all of his heart.

Futa has no complaints about cuddling, so Date is happy to find himself once again between the comforting warmth of both of his boyfriends. After everything that happened, Date is  _ exhausted _ , both physically and emotionally. He shifts slightly to get more comfortable, and then drifts off to sleep for the first time since he died...and the first time in a very long while.

He might be dead...but he knows that here...with Grimnir and Futa...he's loved. 


End file.
